I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
