Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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