drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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