Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
