i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
