You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
