I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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