God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
