a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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