It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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