Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
