so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Operation Purity has been aborted
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
