I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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