if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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