I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
