We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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