He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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