based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize