I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
