Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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