6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
