covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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