dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
