i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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