i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
