Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
