lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
