The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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