It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
