Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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