So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
