I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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