i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize