problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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