I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
