wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
