i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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