I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
