There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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