I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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