It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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