Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
