I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
