I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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