you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
