Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
