just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize