what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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