if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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