Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
