i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
