Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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