On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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