We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
