I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
