NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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